I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize