if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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