I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
