I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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