It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
