You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
