It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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