Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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