What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
