Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
