I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
