Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
