I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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