She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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