Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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