So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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