How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
