There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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