It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
