She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
