I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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