I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
