It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Randomize
