girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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