i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
