I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
