my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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