I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
