i just had sex bonerless
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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