hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize