arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
