And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
