what day is it and did you see me today?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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