Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
