found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
