The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
