I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
