Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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