Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no you cant smoke seaweed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
