I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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