So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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