everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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