if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We're too hungover to prance.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
