so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize