the condom got lost in my hair
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize