just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
