I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
