I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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