Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
