maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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