i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
