Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
