I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
