well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
