he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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