Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
