wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
