The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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