i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
