Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you had me at cake vodka
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
