Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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