Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
