Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
