K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
